Published Articles

Attracting your Soul Partner in 2009

So perhaps like many others, you have made a new year's resolution that this really is the year in which you are determined to create the relationship of your dreams. You have the absolute intention of seeking out your soulmate. The question that I would like to ask you is - will you do whatever it takes? Will you commit to that as a steadfast reality in your life rather than 'see how it goes'...?

So often we are drawn to the idea of relationship and meeting that 'special' person because we feel that once we've cracked it, we will be happy and our pain in life will go away. what we don't realise is that relationships don't necessarily remove the pain, rather it is in healing the things that caused the pain in the first place. We kid ourselves that our beloved will solve our existential loneliness and failure in life - they won't. It isn't the absence of a certain person in our lives that causes us the pain, rather our deep beliefs that life is somehow wrong and doesn't live up to our expectations. What a soul partner can bring into your life though is a steadfast commitment to their own and your growth as a human being. If I look over the 12 years of my relationship with my husband davide I can proudly say that we have journeyed physically, emotionally and spiritually with one another. We both share similar values such as freedom, beauty, adventure, creative tastes and are seeking answers to the same questions in life. One of which is how can we best value and realise our talents in the world so that they powerfully contribute to other people's lives.

And how we met was also part of my journey of courage and self expression - I trust that the short story that follows will illuminate some fundamental principles about manifesting what we desire in life.

It was at the ripe age of 28 that I really started getting beautifully broody and wanted a man badly. It probably didn't help that I was taking care of lots of wonderful children of all ages, including an amazing buddha baby to support an emerging career in the tantalising world of art.

The more I tried, the more elusive the dating game became - and I realised that a hint of desperation was leaking into all my interactions with men. Besides I had to take stock of my pattern of attracting hedonistic men that were at least a decade older than me (older but wiser... I discovered they were not). Thus began an enlightening journey of self discovery as I consciously addressed my failings, my fears, and my limiting programming about what I deserved in relationship. One of those bibles that had a canny way of transforming my attitudes was the book by Susan Jeffers "Opening Our Hearts To Men" A book that not only addresses the ways that we criticise men and try to be superior and what that game is really all about, but also teaches us ways to keep opening up the space in ourselves for love.

I had also read books such as "Women Who Love Too Much" which taught me much about my patterns of relating to men with addictive personalities. My desire to heal my relationship with my drink loving father was transposed to my love relationships with men, period. I learnt more about my own addictive nature and determined to make great strides to increase my self esteem and confidence - how else would I attract a healthy man into my life?

It was then it occurred to me that perhaps it would take the pressure off my yearning for a man by acknowledging the gift of being 'single' and not being in a time consuming relationship. I then had the insight that I was part of a whole new generation of women who for the first time in history ever, were living quite happy, independent lives on their own. Unlike our mothers and grandmothers there was less pressure to enter the marriage market and bring forth little bambinos. At last I had begun to appreciate my freedom and the variety of choices that were open to me.

The second brainwave was an idea that centred on the concept of 'modelling' - no. not the whirlwind world ot fashion but rather, how would I know I was in a healthy relationship? What would it look like? What would I be doing, what words would my beloved be saying to me ? How would he be demonstrating his love and appreciation for me? Thus began an imaginative journey of visualising the types and quality of interactions I might have with a soul partner. On buses, on the tube, at parties, in the bath, with friends, in bed, at work, in bars, in coffee shops, at art galleries, I listened to my "inner man" appreciating me and honouring my skills, my gifts - loving me. This process seemed to shift something very profound in my psyche - I began to feel as if I really deserved such a beautiful, powerful, considerate man. Within the year I had met Davide who was to become my future husband - a creative, sexy, adventurous, communicative, aware male. After all, was that not what I had requested as part of my Lonely Hearts Advert all those years ago In Time Out?

Another step along the path of desiring and deserving an extraordinary man was indeed, later that same year to place a well thought out ad in Time Out. I composed it with the help of my dating buddy jacqui; I wanted to be really clear about describing who I was and what I wanted (yes I was ahead of my time but I had been cavorting in the field of personal development for 4 years by then....) Of course those were the days when you received fantastic letters, poems and other ingenious communications before it all went on-line or on the telephone. The rest is history - and no doubt you will get further installments.

Meanwhile Susan Jeffers calls on us to stop complaining about men and instead to begin praising men and acknowledging their gifts to us in their lives. She suggests to cast away judgement as a tool for destruction and use judgement as a tool for self discovery instead, opening and embracing the shadow part of ourselves. What ways are we blaming men for not meeting our needs when we could easily meet them ourselves. Lets put aside the self righteous, angry superwoman who demands perfection from her men. Clearly, when we are being critical and judgmental of either ourselves or our men folk, we lose our joy, lightness and radiance. Focus rather, on the ways we can be better, more loving, considerate human beings. Learn to love, honour and appreciate ourselves as women, acknowledging other women for their qualities and the gifts they share in abundance. Surely the purpose of relationship is to learn, explore and grow into a more loving person towards yourself and your partner.

As women we have witnessed many changes in the last 60 years through the very active participation of women working during WW2, the innovation of labour saving devices to relieve women of the burdens of housework in the 50's, the birth of the women's movement in the 60's and its continuing activism in the 70's. The 80's bringing in a new age of business and professional women, the 90's exploring the balance of motherhood and work and the growth of the female entrepreneur. Women expect to work, to be paid equally for their efforts, to be entrepreneurs, professors, barristers, sales directors, doctors, experts, CEO's - women want to influence society for the better and make a difference. In a society which values the male attributes of aggression, analysis, target setting, focus and action way higher than the feminine qualities of love, flow, radiance, sensuality, it is not surprising that women are drawn to get their self esteem from work.

However there is a grave cost to this state of affairs. Women are becoming more masculinised and vice versa - we are becoming so balanced as individuals that we are a wishy washy mix of each other. It seems that men have lost a lot of their power and prowess in the process of becoming more aware and sensitive and women are becoming increasingly brash and ballsy. Welcome to the age of sexual neutrality - the potency and passion of our sexual encounters sinking like quick sand into the mire of 'lets get it over with'.

As I describe further in How to put the Passion back into your Marriage and the 20 Top Sizzling Relationship Tips for both Men and Women, below, there is much we can do to bring real magic to our relationships. And just one last reminder, people become magnetic and gorgeously appealing to the other sex when they are relaxed, open, friendly and are having oodles of fun in their lives. So drop the can'ts and bring on the can's - reach out, do something vibrantly different, courageous and enlivening. Next, do something uniquely different in your dating strategy. Change your approach so that you feel there is a real breath of fresh air - a new possiblity of meeting the partner of your dreams. Ditch what's not working and remember the 20/80 rule - 20% of all our efforts produce 80% of the actual results in our lives. So again consider what one thing could you change that would inspire that possibility of enduring romance? Is it something that you have to put into action and manifest in the world or is it a transformation on the inside - a dropping of the stories in the past of why it's never worked. When we are able to recognise that all that we percieve in any given moment is seen through the lens of the past, we can put the past firmly where it belongs, back in the past. We are then free in the present moment - free of expectation, free of conditions - free to explore and create what we want in life.

copyright 2009

"Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky". ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand." ~ Emily Kimbrough

"People change and forget to tell each other". ~ Lillian Hellman

An Invitation to Single Women

It may be that you are very happy being single, after all there are huge benefits to having that extra time and energy. Time to focus on your career, your friendships and your passions in life. In no other period in history have we had the privilege of devoting so many resources as women to our growth and well being.

However, having been in both courts, single and in relationship, there is definitely something to be said for the mutual growth and loving companionship of a relationship where you pool your resources, skills and talents. Typically, throughout history marriage was both a financial and social transaction arranged by parents and elders. The partnership was designed to serve the aspirations and stability of the whole community and an individual's needs and desires, especially a woman's, were absolutely secondary or unimportant. Now, in contrast due to our ancestors and the fight for equality we can afford the luxury of marrying for love. BUT how do we find it?

1. I invite you to consider what are the most important qualities that you would like to have in your man - for me 14 years ago it was self aware, communicative, adventurous, creative, sexy and dynamic. For some of my clients its being honest, light-hearted, generous, humorous, solvent and positive. Clarify your top 6 most appealing qualities. How do they compare to your own?

2. I invite you to review your relationship history, drawing up a schedule to include each major relationship from the very beginning. Put the date and analyse what you learnt about yourself and about life in general through having that relationship. What did the relationship teach you? How was your ex your teacher? This is an incredibly empowering exercise to begin addressing any imbalance between holding onto old hostility and clearly acknowledging the gift of you relationship and your own journey of self discovery and growth. What were the turning points? Do you see a repeating pattern of experience? What feels complete for you? What feels unfinished?

3. I invite you to set a clear Intention about the nature of your desired relationship. Why do you want a relationship/ What needs will it meet ? What do you want to receive through the relationship and in turn, what do you want to give and bring to the relationship? Now see if yow can create a clear statement of positive intention, no longer than 20 words.

4. I invite you to look at the feminine teacher in your life around relationshipss, your mother. What was most important to her? What statement best expresses your mother's philosophy of life? What were her negative and positive traits? What one or two words best describe her personality? What activites did she share with your father? What was most important to her about that relationship? What was unique about your parents' relationship? List what you think was missing from your mother's relationship with your father.

Now answer the same questions above with regard to the male teacher in your life around relatonships, your father.

5. I invite you to consider the following - finish the sentence with positive qualities you got from yur mother - Like my mother I am....Finish with negative qualities - Like my mother I am....From my mother I learned that in order to have a good relationship I should....a...b...c...From observing my mother's love relationship(s) I want to be more...a...b...c...From observing your mother's romantic relationship and what was missing what have you chosen to develop in your own relationships so far? In what way did your mother inspire you about the nature of a loving relationship? What was her gift to you?

Now answer the same questions with respect to your father

6. I invite you to review what kind of life you want with a partner, what would it look like ? please write a short paragraph. Where are you at present in your journey? What about your life do you like the best?

7. I invite you finally to create 10 different ways or opportunities for attracting and meeting such a man, for example going to arts lectures, attending salsa dance classes, doing an active yoga class like asthanga and so on. Now commit to doing one of these at least once a week until you find your man. Remember if you do the same thing over and over again you will get the same results - you must try something new and preferably fun. After all why should the adventure of meeting your soulmate not be anything but creative, fulfilling and joyful..

copyright 2007

How do I know if this is my Soul Partner? 20 Questions for Reflection

Over the years I have been asked this question dozens of times. I won't say I have the perfect answer but I can guide you to take review your relationship. If you can answer the questions below in the affirmative, you are definitely in a remarkable relationship that could inspire your love, interest and commitment for a lifetime.

one. Do I feel limited and trapped at the thought of living with him forever or do I feel excited, inspired and expansive at the thought?

two. Can I really be natural and totally myself with her?

three. Am I really honest with him about my feelings, thoughts, values and aspirations?

four. Can I communicate easily with her, finding the right words to make myself understood and feel that she actively listens to me?

five. Does she bring lightness and a sense of humour when needed - helping to put my life and myself into perspective - life is just not that serious

six. Does he have lots of really good qualities that will endure with age?

seven. Does she inspire you and bring out the best in you?

eight. Is he open to sharing some of your interests and developing new passions together?

nine. Is she consistent in the way she expresses herself and relates to her friends and family?

ten. Can you both argue and get to the issue without causing tremendous bad feeling?

eleven. You don't feel manipulated by him and that he's not being completely honest?

twelve. You are not in any way afraid of or threatened by her actions?

thirteen. Do you recover well after conflict with each other, each taking responsibility for your differences?

fourteen. Do you think she will love you and support you when you are not at your best physically or emotionally ?

fifteen. Does she always find things you should be improving about yourself?

sixteen. Does he acknowledge his weaknesses, admit and action the things he wants to change about himself?

seventeen. Do you love him exactly as he is even if he never follows through on the changes he says he wants to make?

eighteen. Is he someone you are proud of and want to introduce to those who are significant in your life

nineteen. Is she close to the ideal woman of your dreams or is she even better?

twenty. Do you share similar values - ie believe that certain key facets or qualities in life are really important to you both?

copyright 2008

How to put the Passion and Life back into your Marriage

In this age chances are that as a woman you are more independent and assertive than your own mother was and likewise as a man, you are probably more emotionally expressive and open-minded than your father was. This trend of being in touch with your inner masculine and feminine whilst enabling individuals to be more independent and versatile with greater economic and social equality, comes with the price of sexual neutrality - the passion is trickling rather than roaring.

Sexual attraction is based on sexual polarity which is the force of passion and energy that plays and dances between masculine and feminine poles. For sexual passion and attraction within a juicy, dynamic relationship there must be a ravisher and ravishee otherwise you are just buddies who happen to rub their genitals together in bed. The love may be strong, the friendship may be powerful but the sexual polarity is weak. If you want a passionate relationship one of you has to be prepared to embody the masculine, the other the feminine.

This may be all very well if you have a more balanced sexual essence because you sexual passion is not a priority in intimacy. However most of the population, around 90%, have a more masculine or feminine essence and consequently attract their opposites. Passionately, lovingly and fiercely they would like to ravish or be ravished at least some of the time in relationship as well as having a great friendship. A masculine essence is one where the priority in your life is your sense of purpose - your mission - your gift to the world as opposed to your relationship or family life however loving and fulfilling that may be. The feminine purpose is one in which your desire at the core of your being is for love and relationship - love must be flowing fully however successful your career is.

All too frequently today we hear the complaint from both sexes that on the one hand guys are just becoming too wimpy and too weak to trust whilst women are becoming too hardened and forceful to cherish. It takes a great deal of awareness and self discipline for a woman to put aside her focus and strength needed in the workplace and don her radiant goddess headdress and move out of her head into the receptive beauty of her body. Likewise for men who have learned the feminine style of cooperation and flow, denying their sense of life purpose, of power and freedom, to work alongside their female colleagues and navigate the demands of homelife.

I myself have been working to polarise my relationship with my husband and reconnect with the passion and thrust of our sexual intimacies. Having worked alongside each other for many years on many arts and business projects we came to realise that we were becoming more like friends and business partners than lovers. David Deida's tantalising material on polarity in relationships, as above seemed to make absolute sense and as a consequence we have been striving to accentuate and develop our differences as sexual partners. My husband now has a new set of business partners and associates all of whom are men. He spends more quality time with his male friends, has become more honest and is not afraid to challenge them to live on the edge and live out their purpose. Suddenly he feels 'on purpose' - he has found his voice and is excited, creative, strong and enlivened by his new life vision. I have likewise been acknowledging and nourishing my feminine radiance. Practising yoga regularly, dancing wildly and free, buying more feminine flowing clothes, sexy underwear and wearing gorgeous high heels that stop me from striding forth and allow me to feel feminine and flouncy instead. Spending quality time luxuriating in saunas and around Bond St with my girlfriends and initiating a regular monthly meeting of goddesses to feast, nurture and explore our feminine natures.

The force of attraction, which flows between the two different poles of masculine and feminine, is the dynamism that often disappears in modern relationships. Or perhaps it disappears because after the initial throes of love we don't continue to make the effort to surprise one another, to seduce and tantalise one another. We get bored and bogged down by life.The challenge in long term relationships and marriage is thus to keep the relationship fresh, to keep introducong a variety of new experiences and think of ways to please your partner . A couple needs to make their sexual relationship a high priority. Good sex, like any success, demands commitment, creativity and practice. Too many of us will settle for a less than satisfying sexual relationship or find quick solutions like an affair to break the monotony One of the reasons that a new relationship or an affair is often so exciting, is that the couple wants to bring pleasure to each another which stimulates creativity and excitement..

Do you remember way back when to the time you were courting one another intently focused on one another's needs; of demonstrating and giving of your own talents and finding good in your beloved?. This is enormously satisfying and creative and who doesn't want such attention? However, once the relationship becomes institutionalized and taken for granted, attention too often shifts to competing interests like friends, work, hobbies and children.

Children can be one of the causes of reduced passion in marriage, simply because parenting at times can be exhausting and confusing. All of your energy and creativity is going into your children and not your wife. A weekend away from the kids can do wonders for changing habitual patterns of relating in a marriage; taking it in turns to schedule a surprise night out for each other, can be another. Enlivened, excited, creative partners make loving passionate and creative parents able to give the greatest gift of all to their children - a marriage that is alive, growing and loving.

Stress is another energy and attention grabber whether it be work related, loss of a loved one, parenting issues, financial etc..But if one partner is willing to give his or her more exhausted or stressed out partner a massage or some other form of loving, non-sexual contact they will be building up currency in their love bank. Then when there is a window for pleasuring their beloved will be more loving and receptive to pleasuring them. However don't expect to see sparks flying overnight - take it gently and focus on really giving to one another, developing intimacy (into - me - see). Learning to be other centered is, in my opinion, one of the most significant factors in creating a successful marriage - in bed or out.

Simply stated, women leave men when they are neglected. Neglect accounts for almost all of the reasons women leave and divorce men and women file for divore twice as often as men. The foundation of a relationship is giving. To create a successful, loving relationship we need to be guided constantly by the question, What do I need to do in order to create a loving relationship? By letting your spouse's needs be at least as important as your own, you'll begin to develop true love. I'm not suggesting you make this shift so you can use it as a manipulative technique to get your partner to love you. What I am saying is that it's natural to give to one who gives. It's easy to love someone who loves.

I'll finish with this suggestion: For one week focus your attention on giving to your partner. If you don't know what your spouse needs, ask. Use your creative thinking muscles to think what you could do to honour, celebrate and acknowledge your partner. Notice how he or she responds - is there a different quality to your relationship? How has it improved? Perhaps you would like to share what you've learnt and reverse roles.

copyright 2007

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down". ~ Oprah Winfrey

“The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together.” ~ Barbara De Angelis

Sticks and stones are hard on bones
Aimed with angry art,
Words can sting like anything
But silence breaks the heart.
~ Suzanne Nichols

Creating Authentic Work - a Quantum Shift in 2007

"Let us realise that the privilege to work is a gift, that the power to work is a blessing, that love of work is success." ~ David O. McKay

" If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland

Following the most common New Year's Resolution of losing weight ( for useful tips see my site LIVING HYPNOTHERAPY the second most popular focus for the year is to change work. On average people change their jobs every 3 years, usually for a better salary or a promotion. However recent research reveals that the challenge of dealing with a promotion at work is almost as stressful as getting divorced. Having mastered a previous role with a trusted network of colleagues, suddenly you are propelled into a new peer group where politics are rife, unsure of what is expected of you. In addition the internal resources required for such a transition are rarely acknowledged, let alone supported.

Traditionally, doubts about your chosen career path didn't strike until you hit 30 but these days even young graduates perceive that the longer they wait to find a permanent role, the more unemployable they become. Gap years that were traditionally seen as expanding horizons and job prospects are now being hailed as a major cause of career crisis, particularly so for those who venture into asia and africa. They might have planned to become an accountant but return, passionate about saving the world.

I myself didn't have the luxury of a gap year in foreign parts but I did study accountancy. I had established I didn't want a career in medicine, particularly my dream of being a GP because to my virgin eyes it didn't focus on prevention and wasn't holistic in its approach. Surely 10 minutes in a doctor's surgery wasn't going to cut it with most people. Having always had an avid interest in the psychological, through my own research and observation of teenage friends in crisis, I was adamant that what a person thought and believed about life had a profound effect on their whole physical being. So what else could I study for, with A levels in maths, biology and chemistry? Perhaps I could be the first punk on the stock exchange.

I tell you this as the first instalment of a complex career path. Unlike some people I have never 'fallen' into anything. I have always chosen things consciously, learning and growing from my mistakes. I didn't have a lovely network of contacts, waiting in the wings to launch and promote my talents. I didn't have parental approval, especially arriving at the decision to give up accountancy for a creative career in the arts. However there have been many gifts to this process as I have fine tuned my talents and honed my skills. I have never done anything that I am ashamed of to earn money. I have grown and flourished tremendously through all my work experiences and it has made me a very rounded, flexible and knowledgeable person. I have synthesised rather than specialised. My working life has included web and graphic design, accountancy, teaching yoga and dance to adults, teaching circus skills, drumming and percussion to children, leading creativity and work/life balance seminars, teachng creative visualisation and meditation, making and selling jewelry, creating and selling art and sculpture, being a care assistant, an artist's model, a slammer girl, a cocktail waitress, an actress, a childminder, a club dancer, a children's entertainer, a sound healer, hypnotherapist and more.

Yes I have had at least 25 completely different types of working experience but I learnt something unique about myself in each of them. As a child I always wanted to be a cartoonist, then I wanted to be a doctor and save the world. I explored each of these paths and realised they were fantasies. It is an incredible thing to know what it is you want to devote your life to and follow it through. I have met a few such gifted individuals but most of us aren't that lucky. At school, at Capital City Academy I talk to my year 11's and they have no idea what they want to do and why should they? Life is surely a journey of discovery, of adventure, of hitting and missing, of gathering the pieces together. If only school could teach our young to be courageous, creative and expressive, to fail and then try again, to be flexible, to trust their intuition and know what they value and why. Most important of all to be taught the skills of speaking in public so that their voice, ideas and vision can be clearly heard

I believe that it is this process of discovery and healing that I have both experienced myself and facilitated in others, that I find so fascinating and allows me to be more passionate and inspired than ever in my working life today.

A recent report by the Institute of Management found that 87% of executives said that work left them with no time for other interests, including their partners and friends. A third of the population works over 50 hours a week, a tenth more than 60. So that 's six million of you in the UK who are working your socks off! Meanwhile two thirds of those at work indentified that they constantly felt under pressure.

On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate the quality of your working life, 10 being absolutely fantastic and 0, the opposite?

Now, how would you score the quality of your life outside work, again on a scale of 1 to 10?

If you scored between 8 - 10 for the quality of your working life, let's celebrate your success! You feel inspired and powerfully tuned into life. You receive excellent feedback in all sorts of ways that what you're doing is of value, nurtures and develops your talents and is making a difference to people's lives.

If you scored between 8 - 10 for quality of life outside work, your work/life balance is great. There is plenty of time to do the things that you love and you have deep, meaningful relationships and quality interactions with those around you. You feel nourished and fulfilled. However if this score is matched with a score below 8 for work, it may be that you're focusing too much of your energy away from work in the the belief that you can't have it all - satisfying work that is a joy to do AND have an enriching life outside.

If you came up with scores between 5 - 7 for the quality of your working life, you are getting by but the juice isn't there. You are not really turned on by life and life is not really turned on by you. You have lost touch with your passion and enthusiasm, your sense of wonder and play and your'e not fully realising your talents and skills. It's time to investigate and make some changes.

If you scored between 5 - 7 for quality of life outside work, your work/life balance is out of balance. You very likely feel very pressurised for time and life seems to constantly be making demands on you. You just aren't getting to do what you love and really express yourself. You probably don't have enough time to hang out with friends and family in a really nourishing and fulfilling way and perhaps its the same old, same old. Time to get your creative muscles into action and do something different.

If you scored between 0 - 4 for the quality of your working life, you either feel unappreciated and resentful, bored, stuck or in crisis. Your self confidence is at a low ebb and you have lost touch with the possiblity that you have choices. At the moment you can't help but see the glass is half empty and you are asking yourself, why me? It is time for a serious shake up and a powerful dose of self love. Begin with the physical body and start looking at ways you can nurture it - why not buy a relaxation tape - try new food -essential oils for the bath - a massage - a yoga class - dance class - anything that honours and gets you in touch with your body. Make sure that you take a lunch break everyday at work and do something different - go for a walk, sing in the park, listen to your favourite music, chat to someone new, eat in a different cafe ......The important thing is to start changing your routines around work and add some fun. Then when your energy levels are better, say after 2 weeks, you can begin to plan the changes you are willing to make. I trust the questions below will be a bright stepping stone on the path of authentic work in the future.

If you scored between 0 - 4 for quality of life outside work, you are either a workaholic and are married to your job or business, or you are going through a very tricky life transition such as moving house, divorce, new parenthood, severe illness or bereavement. Be kind to yourself if you are experiencing such a transition and remember that you are doing your best. Pehaps read of other's ecperiences on blogs, in books or join a support group. Just stick to the basics of gently nurturing yourself paying particular attention to your physical wellbeing and then the rest, in time, will fall into place. If work is the domineering force in your life it would be appropriate to ask yourself what it is that you are avoiding? Understandably if you are just setting up in business, the first few years are going to be pretty tough as you learn all aspects of running a business and so it will involve considerable sacrifices, especially leisure and family time. However if not, examine your beliefs around work and the necessity of working such long hours. Look at your own concept of self worth and success.

So, what is work for?

1. Obviously, for most it is the predominant means of wealth creation, providing the money for a quality of life outside working hours.

2. Work is also the means of giving us a variety of day to day experiences, new problems to solve, fresh contacts and interactions, new understandings and perspectives and maybe even different locations.

3. Work is the medium through which we seek acknowledgement. We all want to be praised for our efforts and talents, to feel significant and valued in another's eyes. The reflection, reconfirming our own sense of identity and self worth.

4. Many also feel work to be the dominant source of sociablity in their lives - a way to connect meaningfully with others. Whether it is guiding subordinates, appreciating colleagues or learning from a boss or mentor.

5. It is also presents a powerful arena in which to express ourselves. Working fulfills the essential human need of creativity, to experiment and innovate and find something new, elegant, efficient and possibly wondrous.

6. Our choice of work expresses our fundamental values in life - that which is important to us. Work with integrity that mirrors our philosophy of life and what we truly believe in. Increasingly people are far more motivated to do their best with a company that is ethical and has strong, humane values that they share.

7. The work we do can make a real difference in the world. We have strength of purpose and vision - an idea that we are passionately committed to realising.

Work Power Statements

The things I love about the work I do are:

The things i struggle with at work are

The things I actively dislike about my work are

The talents and skills that I use in my job are (at least 5)

The talents and skills that I don't get to use are

" I long to accomplish a great and noble tasks, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker."~ Helen Keller:

Work Value Questions

1..On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your financail fulfillment in the job/business that you have?

2. On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate the level of variety and stimulation you have at work?

3. On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate how significant and valued you feel at work?

4. On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you score the quality of your relationships at work - are they meaningful, life affirming, positive experiences?

5. On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate the opportunity for you to be creative and contribute your ideas, skill and knowledge?

6. On a scale of 1 to 10 how confident do you feel that your organisation's identity and vision encapsulates something more significant than mere profit.

7. On a scale of 1 to 10 how satisfied are that your working life is contributing something, however small, to making a positive difference in the world?

If you scored on average less than 70 you really need to take a good hard look at the one endeavour that eats up the majority of your quality time, each week, month upon month, year upon year.

The Excuses

* I feel trapped in my job because of my financial responsibilities and commitments

* I dread going into work and resent working alongside particular colleagues but how do I know it will be better anywhere else

* I need to earn more money but don't know how

* I earn a great salary but feel under pressure and uninspired but that's what happens the more responsiblity you have

* I work long hours and often have to take work home but I don't have any choice

* I feel exhausted and drained by my job and I just don't have the energy to look for something else

* I don't feel intellectually or emotionally fulfilled in my job but I don't have the knowledge and skill to try for something else

* I am really strapped for cash but my hints at promotion have been ignored

* I could love my job if it weren't for my apalling boss who does everything in their power to minimalise my achievements

* I would love to leave my job and start out on my own but I am just too scared

* I just fell into this line of work and it's OK but I was never really any good at anything at school so I have no idea what I would do instead

* I just don't believe you can make great money doing something you love

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give." - Winston Churchill

"Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else."--J.M. Barrie

Work Power Questions

1. Who were your role models for loving and enjoying their work?

2. What qualities do you most want to experience in your working life? For example - fun, creativity, connection, aliveness, purposeful, beauty, integrity, honesty, inspiration, flow, practicality, efficiency, growth, love, passion, adventure, balance, transformation, courage, healing, understanding. List the top six.

3. What would really inspire you in your work?

4. What type of colleagues would you love to have?

5. In your dream job what would a typical working day look like - include the working environment, the way you work, things that people might say to you, the quality of your emotional life. How would you know you were happy and fulfilled?

6. In your dream job how much money would you be earning?

7. What did your parents love about their work? What did they struggle with?

8. Looking back over your work history what were the lessons learned from each job/business - how did you grow? What could you celebrate?

9. In your ideal job what would the balance of family life with work be like - picture it clearly?

10. Imagine someone being scared about changing their jobs what might be the fears, doubts and negative thoughts they would be having about such a prospect?

11. What are the qualities you need to express in yourself or your life to feel happy?

12. Think of the 5 people you trust most and imagine what they would say your greatest natural strengths are, personally and professionally - are you practical, a networker, a carer, a researcher, detailed, organised, playful, a pursuader, adventurer, follower..........

13. Why are you doing the work you are doing?

14. What do you think the beliefs are of someone who absolutely loves their work? How do they view themselves? How does the world view them?

To Conclude

I hope some of the questions above have given you some clarity about your relationship with work and sparked new possibilities. It is fundamental to clarify your beliefs about your working life, especially those that are limiting your progress and enjoyment, for example that it must be hard and involve sacrifice or that if your were really authentic and real, people wouldn't approve. Beliefs shape our world - they are the lenses through which we censure every experience. Thus we must establish what our beliefs are, who modelled them and how if we changed them, our lives would change. Today the scarcity principle is pandemic - we believe that there are not enough good jobs, that we won't get paid enough, that there is too much competition, that technology is changing so rapidly that we will get left behind, our knowledge and skills obselete. It's about time we challenged this principle and looked for the opposite; the incredible abundance, vision and opportunity.

In my experience and practice as a life coach I have personally seen my clients make huge transitions in their working lives. All they needed was a sounding board and someone who could hold high expectations about their own inner wisdom and talents. It is my firm belief that not only do you owe it to yourself to realise your ambitions and create a beautifully rich working life, but you owe it to your families and your children. How different the world would be if our children grew up with high ideals and expectations about the work they were born to do. Just imagine how wonderful it would be for all of us if people were highly motivated, excited and inspired by their work, infecting us with their joy. Living in London I would see bright, smiling, exuberant, connecting, passionate people on their way to work on the Tube, instead of the sad, grumpy, closed, tired and stressed faces and sea of papers. Now, that really would be a miracle!

copyright 2007

“Never give up on what you really want to do. the person with big dreams is more powerful than the one with all the facts” - H. Jackson Brown

“Man's main task in life is to give birth to himself" - H. Jackson Brown

“Our uniqueness is our gift to the world. No two people have the same qualities, vision and experience, and our life's work emerges from our own melting point. " - H. Jackson Brown

"Work is love made visible" ~ Esther De Angelis

“Failure is better than regret.” ~ Proverb

"When you lose don't lose the lesson." ~ Dalai Lama

Your Money or your Life

Is there anyone out there who can honestly put their hands on their hearts and say I have enough money? One of the major areas of concern in our lives and in our relationships is the fundamental issue of money - or rather the lack of it we seem to feel. After all in this day and age we just can't survive without it - there is no real alternative economic system that provides for our well being without the exchange of money. Gone are the ancient days of bartering your wares and services and despite fantastic initiatives such as LETS (local exchange trading schemes) which operate throughout the UK to serve such a purpose, we can't go to our local Waitrose and buy our food shopping with a LETS credit.

Not only do we need money to meet the basic needs of survival but in a complex aspirational society like ours, increasingly our self worth is being linked to the amount of money we earn and accumulate. With the drive of consumerism and the need to spend, spend, spend, there is a constant race and apparent need to buy more, better, best. No matter how much money we have or don't have, the worry that we don't have or won't have enough of it sends our heart racing. We worry that if we stop striving for more we'll somehow lose our place and be left behind. Money is universally the most motivating, mischievous, magical and misunderstood part of our lives. Rarely in our life is money the vehicle for genuine freedom and joy, instead we allow it to dictate our choices around work, love, family and friendship.

For many then our relationship around money is deeply conflictual and confusing, at odds with our heartfelt values. When we enter the domain of money we often disconnect from love, beauty, grace, trust and acceptance. We enter the world of competition, survival, scarcity and fear. Thus it is important to acknowledge the suffering of the wealthy, the loneliness, the hunger and poverty of the soul that can come with wealth. I vividly remember an encounter with a woman in her 50's through re-evaluation counselling over 15 years ago, in which she described her feelings of isolation and acute sadness as a young girl. Set apart by her parent's wealth she desperately wanted to be normal, to be accepted, to be like everyone else. Prior to that day I had blithely presumed that wealth was glamorous and luxurious, a boon to its recipients. What I've learnt since, especially living in the luxurious area of hampstead, london - is that wealthy people can live trapped in a prison of privilege. The family wealth and its protection becoming the all pervading force and identity of the family, overruling individuality and creative choice.

Money then is not about acquisition, the superficial trappings of success but goes far deeper. Money - how you earn it, save it and spend it, is about what kind of person you truly want to be in the world. The usage of money must surely be aligned to a higher calling, a soulful connection where it is an appropriate expression of the difference you long to make in the world. Money as a conduit for our deepest, most soulful commitments to life.

Here in the West where much is bountiful, our news stories, our entertainment, our conversations are driven by the need for more. We all want more time, more energy, more love, more appreciation, more opportunity, more freedom, more education, more of everything. Nothing is ever enough. We are never satisfied. Scarcity appears to be an unquestioned, sometimes unconscious, a defining condition of life. But scarcity is a lie, a culturally derived myth - if nothing is ever enough, we are never enough. We can never accept ourselves, be at peace with ourselves and with one another. The power of money defeating the heart, dominating nature and beauty.

The second myth is that more is better. Consequently we are constantly propelled into the future - the next holiday, the next job, the next home, the next car. But as with any addiction, the need for more can never be satisfied. Instead, we lust for more and more, never feeling satiated, needing a bigger 'hit' just to feel normal. In our relationship with money we can continue to earn, to save, and provide for ourselves and our families but reframe the relationship with an appreciation and acknowledgement of what we already have. As the old saying goes what we focus on grows - if you focus on lack, deficiency you will see. Rather than believing that something is constantly excaping our reach or diminishing, we can see the flow of resourced in our lives as a flood of nourishment and something we have the privilege of being trustees of for the moment. Our relationship with money can transform radically, rather than seeing it as the expression of fear, choosing to see it as the expression of exciting possibitlity. We owe it to ourselves to direct our attention inwards and not outwards. To focus on our internal resourcefulness and sufficiency rather than outwards and engage in material dependency. Begin the journey of moving deeper into the miracle of your soul.

copyright 2007

Attracting Abundance into your Life for 2008

The following questions are designed to clarify your thoughts and ideas about money and wealth, a theme that dominates our lives. Having worked with clients from every strata of wealth it can honestly be said that no amount of money protects us from the business of life and its inherent responsibilities. In fact you could say that the more money you have the more complex and restrictive life can become. It all depends on your perspective. I personally know millionaires who are very tight with themselves, are highly stressed out about money and afraid they will lose it. At the other extreme I know creatives who don't have two pennies to rub together but who embody tremendous trust in life. believing that somehow all their needs will be provided for - and yes they always are. However with all the current news in january of brokers accruing huge bonuses in the city, stars like Shilpa amassing potential lucrative contracts worth millions, you could be forgiven for feeling undervalued and envious of others' apparent success. But is the grass really greener on the other side? If you could wake up tomorrow with the ideal life what would it really consist of? Just how would it be different given that you have all the money you could ever wish for? What would you be feeling and thinking about yourself?

I can bet that some of the ways you would feel different is that you would feel more valuable and successful. But as we know from news reported in the media, the majority of people who win millions of pounds through the lottery find themselves penniless in a matter of a couple of years. Why? Because their inner beliefs don't support this new level of abundance. Ultimately they feel undeserving and so they fritter it away unable to appreciate the value of their money. Self worth is not connected to money and neither is happiness. There is little to link the rise of wealth with the rise of happiness. In the last 50 years the western nations despite seeing appreciably higher standards of living are no happier. In fact very rich peoples' wealth causes measurable unhappiness in other people, procuring large amounts of envy and dissatisfaction in those who can't afford the same luxuries. What generally makes people happy are the quality of their relationships, not material items.

Money as we know is a man-made invention, thought to serve the purpose of exchange in place of a barter economy. Most anthropologists agree however that the origins of money was as a ritual gift. Money was 'given' to neighbouring tribes, your potential father in law and in offering to the God at the temple. The word 'pay' comes from the latin 'pacare' which means to appease, so Money began as a way to make peace. A vehicle for mutual recognition used to honour and facilitate relationships. So the creation of money was not about the expression of the inner human drive to compete with each other in business as we are often led to believe. It was not about savage people competing over scarce resources and trying do do each other down. It was about creating better relationships.

My own relationship with money has been a whirl of colour and experience. I started my working life in the business of money, having finished an accountancy degree i was in training as a Financial Accountant. However I had an emoitonal turning point and released that career to step out into the unknown territory of my creativity. I have never been so happy and free in allmy life! Living in a tiny bedsit that was my art studio I was in love with life even though by anyone's standards I was poor. In the end I found the art world exhausting and the tireless self promotion a terrible bind. It wasn't fun anymore so I trained as a commercial artist and launched my business as a web designer and on it goes ........there are many twists and turns to my career ( you can read about them in another article on work) I now live in a beautiful two bedroomed flat with my husband in hampstead, right next to the stunning heath. But the experience of living on very meagre resources, in one room for 10 years taught me a number of things about life, the lessons of which were also gleaned and consolidated from my travelling extensively in developing countries.

1. My relationship to creativity is fundamental to my happiness and self worth. I have explored in depth the universal languages of dance, art and music and enjoy the riches of these as vehicles for relationship and connection with others.

2. My most valuable posessions are my paintings, sculpture and musical instruments......oh and my clothes because they are all an expression of who I am in the world. They also once again facilitate an environment in which to create meaningful connections and celebrate life.

3. Simplicity is freedom. Having very few posessions I can travel lightly in the world.

4. That it is essential for me to keep on learning. The process of stimulating my mind, body and spirit through the treasured process of learning and then sharing that gift with others is immensely nourishing and valuable to me. Most of my greatest friendships have been forged in the climate of learning.

5. That creativity - the ability to create, to innovate, to make something new , to see things from a fresh perspective, to bring old things together in new combinations, is for me the most valuable gift of all. No matter how little you have, you will find a way of making it go a long way, wasting nothing and bringing a sense of discovery and delight in all that you do. It is the quality of being that makes the difference, not the having. Remember that equally valuable are the resources of energy and time - spend them wisely.

10 Questions to Ask yourself

* What are the first 10 words that you associate with money?

* What are your deepest fears about money?

* Who is your most positive, inspirational role model around money?

* If you don’t have enough money what does this prove about yourself?

* What are the most loving, joyful, creative and gorgeous things you could do with money? Now how could you do them without having money?

* What is the easiest money you have ever earned?

* What would having more money give you that you don’t already have?

* Be honest is it really lack of money that is preventing you having more of what you want? what is it an excuse for?

* How could you bring a greater sense of abundance to your life without involving money?

* On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your wealth? (1 = poor, 10= excellent)

copyright 2007

“The key to life is imagination. If you don't have that, no matter what you have, it's meaningless. If you do have imagination you can make a feast of straw” ~ Jane Stanton Hitchcock

Abundant Thought for the Day

‘Earning money involves activity, and all activity burns energy, so eventually that energy burnout makes you insecure. Low Energy = Fear, High Energy = Security. The only way to increase security is to nurture yourself. All insecurity comes from the fear of collapse, the collapse of a situation, of your life, a business, whatever. So if you need more security, work on your body, be kind to yourself, sleep more, rest, hang out in nature and do nice things for yourself. No amount of money in the world can make you feel secure.'

TEN Super Strategies for Living Abundantly

1. The more confidence and self belief we have about the value of ourselves and/or our product or service the more we can charge for it. So do everything in your power to build and nurture that self belief. Develop your uniqueness and expand the ways you can add value to more people.

2. Create a pie chart of the 8 different ways that your are spending your money this month ie. the percentage of your income that you spend on your home, health , daily living ie. bills, fun and adventure, career development, personal /spiritual growth, financing loans, social life - what pattern do you see and is there an area where your spending seems way out of balance?

3. If you believe you can’t really become wealthy you will consistently speak and act in a way that supports and proves that belief - you will prove to the world that you were right. So now is the time to address and change your beliefs - open to the world

4. Prosperity is living easily and happily in the real world whether you are rich or not. The key is to clarify your values and look at alternate ways of bringing joy, appreciation, empowerment and security into your life that don’t involve money. Don’t use money as a scapegoat. You could do a guided visualisation imagining that you are now 80 years old looking back at your life and all the rich experiences - what was most valuable and rewarding - what resources did you need to realise it?

5. Expand your prosperity consciousness and commit to enjoying spending your money - honour all the ways it brings material, emotional and spiritual comfort into your life., that includes loving our bills

6. Have a clear vision of how much money you want and what you want it for - do your financial budget: income - expenses and create a clear financial plan for the short and long term - make them fun, colourful and creative or anything else that gives them value and energy. You could also create a Treasure Map with all the experiences and things you wish to bring into your life through the vehicle of money.

7. Focus on programming your mind with positive beliefs and affirmations - a lot more money is flowing effortlessly into my life and I will use it for the good of myself and others. I am increasing my potential and have an unlimited number of valuable ideas in my consciousness.

8. Confront your fears about not having enough money - list them, get to know them and only then will you be able to put them aside and move ahead. The idea of my not being able to make a living makes me feel.........The thought of my not owning my own home makes me feel....and so on..

9. Notice the natural abundance everywhere - think of 3 flowers you love, 3 trees, 3 parks, 3 pieces of nature, 3 buildings your love, 3 stretches of water, 3 museums, 3 galleries

10. Organise and clear out - release all those old clothes, bed linen, papers, books and files, ornaments and ‘stuff’, to create physical and emotional space for something new and different. De-clutter each room and organise what you do have in drawers, bookcases, filing systems etc. so you feel more in control its easy to find what you need. Please put your financial papers, budgets etc. in a beautiful, vibrant folder to give it energy and value.

copyright 2006

“You can’t help the poor by being one of them” - Abraham Lincoln

“The strongest single factor in prosperity consciousness is self-esteem; believing that you can do it, believing you deserve it, believing you will get it.” - Jerry Gillies - author of Money Love

“The top ten happiest countries in the world are Columbia, Switzerland, Denmark, Costa Rica, Iceland, Guinea, Canada, Nicaragua, Sweden and Ireland.

20 Top Tips for WOMEN in Relationship

Perhaps you are feeling dissatisfied with your relationship or have an uneasy feeling that it could be so much more. It takes time, energy, focus, creativity and commitment to keep our relationships alive and vibrant. All too often I have found in my coaching practice that relationships can become an easy target for one's own lack of dedication and commitment to oneself. If your relationship is not lighting your fire, turn the magnifying glass away from your partner towards yourself. What in life lights your fire? What activities fuel your passion and enthusiasm? How do your daily actions provide a variety of experiences, emotionally, physically, mentally? So, before you start blaming your man for your unhappiness, spend some time reviewing the ways you make yourself happy.

1. Stop being a Superwoman. That's it, I know we think we are perfect, organised, multi-talented and insightful creatures but at what expense must we always be right and on the go.

2. Appreciate the abundance and gifts that your man brings into your life - start with 20 things, qualities, experiences, actions that he brings to you.

3. Begin to honour all the men in your life and appreciate and understand their differences. Talk to your father, your brothers , your male friends, your colleagues and find out what's important to them. Notice what they contribute to their families, to work, to their communities, to you.

4. Teach your man how to love within the relationship - being clear about how your needs for intimacy can be met. Examine what is unique about the kind of love and intimacy you want from your partner.

5. Create the atmosphere for love to occur instead of a fight - send him love non verbally.

6. Acknowledge the shadow side of your personality that is quick to judge another whilst denying any of your own weaknesses. Use the judgement and criticism as a beautiful mirror to enlighten yourself about the self same elements that operate in you.

7. Look for ways that you can meet your partner's needs, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually - you can always ask him if you can't think how or ask for suggestions from your girlfriends.

8. Give your partner the special feminine gift of your radiance, energy and attraction.

9. Connect with the beauty of your open heart and magnify the love in your relationship.

10. Empower your man's masculine energy by accepting the way he does things some of the time even if you think doing things your way is more effective.

11. Share your emotions with your women friends and don't off-load onto your partner so that you can receive him refreshed and open.

12. Love, nourish and take pleasure in your own body - the essence of the feminine.

13. After a day at work (masculine) consciously revive and open yourself to the flow of the feminine - bathe, release your tension, connect with your body, connect with your senses.

14. Encourage your man to develoop his clarity, direction and purpose with good male friends - you cannot take responsibility for rebuilding and refocusing your partner's energy.

15. Stop blaming men for your addictions and lack of self love, instead begin healing and nurturing yourself. Start the process of integrating, forgiving and accepting all the different parts of yourself.

16. Ask yourself whether in this moment of interaction whether you are really serving his happiness, is he growing and benefiting from this expression of your emotion or are you being needy.

17. If you are feeling rejected by your man, feeling unloved, endeavour to stay in your feminine energy - open and wounded, rather than push his masculine energy away with your own sharp, angular masculine energy.That way there is a pathway for his masculine to embrace you rather than fight you.

18. Recognise that the masculine energy which is analytical, aggressive, visionary, is more highly valued in our society and the demand for financial security in life is a demand for masculine energy in both sexes.

19. Examine what you are not doing for yourself and yet expecting him to do - what are you not taking responsibility for and how is that making you feel angry.

20. Get out of business mode and into goddess mode - after all your man can hire an accountant but he can't hire a goddess.

copyright 2007

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." ~ Marcel Proust

"Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky." ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

"The more we succeed as a 'lover' in the world outside our relationship, the more we will succeed as a 'lover inside our relationship" ~ Susan Jeffers

20 Top Tips for MEN in Relationship

1. Prioritise your highest purpose over your relationship so that when you are present in the relationship she receives a powerful, authentic, passionate fully alive man.

2. listen to your woman's point of view and then make your own decision from this new perspective. Don't just go along with it to please her if it goes against your intuition and inner truth - it will weaken you both.

3. Examine how you are giving your gifts fully to the world.

4. Face your fears head on and choose to stretch and move out of your comfort zone to discover what really inspires you - you bring that masculine direction back into the relationship

5. Spend regular quality time building supportive, authentic and critically challenging relationships with other men. They will encourage you to live at your edge.

6. Connect to your deepest desire in life - your inner core or mission. Disconnected from your core you feel weak and that empty feeling will not only undermine your 'erection' and power in the world but in bed with your woman.

7. Be aware that life moves in cycles and that there will be times in your life where your strong sense of purpose will be followed by a fallow period. Be patient.

8. Know that when your woman tests you she does so to feel your strength and integrity, whether the tests come in the form of put downs, distractions or arguments. Like the oak tree stand your ground and don't allow her to sway you.

9. Know that the most erotic moment for a woman is to feel your immovable, all- pervading masculine strength fully present. You are strong and powerful without her so she can relax and trust you fully.

10. Use praise to encourage your woman to grow, acknowledging her beautiful qualities daily will help them to blossom

11. The whole game of intimacy is to serve each other in growth - each growing more through mutual gifting of support than if you were on your own. How can you meet her needs for emotional intimacy?

12. Deal creatively with your woman's moods, finding ways to lovingly connect and open her - touch her, use humour, lighten the atmosphere.

13. Stop trying to analyse your women's emotional currents like you would your own problems. Deep down she is feeling unloved, so stop asking questions and instead express your love physically, hold her, stroke her, look into her eyes, tell her how much you love her.

14. Surprise her by taking charge and guiding her so that she can let go of having to plan, control and instead dive into her feminine essence in full relaxation and surrender.

15. When your woman is emotionally intense stay with it rather than trying to calm her down or disappear. Steadfastly penetrate her mood with your love.

16. Keep your agreements and follow through on actions because otherwise your beloved will feel your weakness in directing your life with clarity, purpose and integrity and lose her trust in you.

17. Consciously bring your male, directed visionary energy into the relationship and your partner will be polarised into her radiant tantalising feminine.

18. Appreciate that your woman's main focus in her life is the quality of her loving relationships and the love she feels flowing in her relationship with you - this is especially so if her feminine is more developed than her pragmatic, determinist masculine nature.

19. Despite your woman putting the relationship as her major priority, she will lose respect for you if in turn you prioritise it higher than your mission in life.

20. Discuss business with your male friends and colleagues rather than pull your partner into her masculine, analytical energy if you want to function as intimate partners rather than business partners

copyright 2007

"There's no such thing as great deeds, only small deeds done with great love" ~ Mother Teresa

"The way we create a loving relationship is to cut away everything in our actions and feelings that doesn't look like a loving relationship" ~ Susan Jeffers

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." ~ Joseph F. Newton Men

Hotting up your Sex Life - 7 Ideas to send your Pulse Racing

Sex is both a delightful expression of ourselves and a potentially magnetic interaction in which both partner's touch and are touched at the core of their being. Sex is a way to transport us beyond the limitations of our personal problems and send us flying, gloriously alive. It is potentially the experience of a deeply fulfilling and joyful embrace, where the body, mind and spirit meets in rapturous pleasure.

How many of you though are getting bored of your lovemaking? It was magical when you first fell in love but maybe now, a few years on and you have landed yourselves in a bit of a rut. It lacks the spark, the passion, the invention, the care and effort of really wanting to pleasure your partner on all levels. Just another thing on the list of things you must do in relationship.

It may be that sex just isn't that important in your relationship anymore, but if it is, I suggest you take a look at some of the ideas below that have worked wonders for some of my clients.

1. Go Salsa Dancing - I myself am a frequenter of Salsa dancing classes and clubs - why? Because it's very sexy - all hips and grinding groins. In salsa the men must be real men and take the lead - on the dance floor they have the power! Girls just love a fantastic male dancer because he is the stem from which their femininity flowers and bursts forth. But seriously, it is a delightful way to tune into your body, and develop the power of your sexual allure. It will enhance the confidence and sexuality of both partners as they develop the language of sensual seduction through dance. A must if there is reverse polarity in the relationship so that the women is guided to be more receptive, soft and feminine, while the man learns to direct, control and create with passion and authority.

2. Get Tantric - Blindfold your partner and guide them to your love nest. Resting comfortably begin to arouse their senses beginning with the most primal of the senses, the power of scent. Gently sweep, swirl and play with essential oils beneath and around the nose. Tantalise tastebuds - tease your partner's lips with figs, mango, peaches, grapes, dates, chocolate....and then tease with your fingers as you gracefully feed them. Finally, touch their essence - sensually stroke their skin with a feather, varying the movement and rhythm, then seduce their body with light kisses, nibbles and strokes. This will have your partner's whole body and mind quivering in anticipation of what's next.

3. Dress up and get Dirty - dress each other as you desire, thinking about colours, the sensuality of fabric - silks, netting and satins. I know there isn't a lot of sexy stuff for men out there but get creative, try wearing sensual silk lungi's or wraps, see through vests, studs, leather, rubber. In general gay shops seems to have a little bit more imagination. Alternatively you could go thewhole way and hire a costume especially if your partner loves a man or woman in uniform. You could even get really adventurous and put your acting talents to the test by trying a different accent to go with your new personae.

4. Learn Massage When I speak to my clients there is nearly always some sort of issue around massage - a lack of confidence in really being able to pleasure one another. I believe that a mere 2 hour course taken together will teach you both the basics and an equal place to start from. You could begin by focusing on the feet and get used to giving each other non-strenous foot massages whilst relaxing listening to music or watching tv. Build your skill and confidence bit by bit. Give each other a five minute shoulder and neck massage when they come home from work. Next, try a 20 minute back massage lying down, where you can include a mixture of firm and gently strokes along the backs of the legs. Then when you have practised and recieved lovely feedback from your partner prepare for the biggie.

It might be a good idea to prime yourself by each going to receive a luxuriating massage from a professional, paying attention to the types of strokes and touch and the quality of sensation and feeling they elicit. So, begin by creating a beautiful environment using colour, texture, gorgeousl smells and music - a magical space in which to give your beloved a hot, sexy, massage. It is vital there be no interruptions and time constraints - this is a sacred magical process and needs to be honoured. Heat the essential oil of choice by placing the bottle in a bowl of hot water and begin using your hands on the back. the most important rule of massage of all is to not suddenly remove your forearms, feet and especially the chest. She can do you the following night!

5. Create sexy Coupons - together, write your favourite sexy activities on beautiful paper. Put them in a special box and lucky dip for the night. Perhaps he will pick the 'I will be your sex slave and give you incredible pleasure for one hour in whatever way you desire.' and you pick 'a visit to the sex shop to get the tantalising outfit of your partner's choice'.

6. Take a Risk - get sexy somewhere risque and public. How about the bathroom or garden at a party, a frolick in the woods, touch each other erotically under the table in a restaurant or why not try the back of your car at night. I recently had a conversation where the young man in question descibed his most passionate encounter for the year as seducing his girlfriend in his parent's car.

7. Try Telephone Sex - let your partner know all the ravishing things you want to do to them later that evening - in saucy detail. You could always both read a sexy novel first to give you confidence and inspiration. If your voice is not your strength text them instead. You never know perhaps this oculd be the catalyst for some drama lessons - a fun way to improve both your speaking skills and imagination.

copyright 2007

“Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions” ~ Woody Allen

“Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any” ~ Unknown

"My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.” ~ Les Dawson

Relationship Success - 10 Questions to Ask Yourself

Living and growing in relationship is probably the most challenging and rewarding arena of our lives. We each come to relationship with romance and high expectations, having found the love of our lives. At last we can feel secure, passionate, acknowledged, loved and treasured for being ourselves and express our vision of happiness and joy. And yet, over time our passion fades, we forget to really talk openly, honestly and listen attentively to each other fascinated, we lose that excitement of falling in love. Life takes over, and relationship just becomes part of the bigger picture, something that we habitually do - that's comfortable perhaps but not deeply rewarding. We take each other for granted, until something upsets the apple cart and then it may be too late. So I offer a few questions for you to ponder and see whether there may be fresh ways for you to connect with your beloved.

1. What has to happen for you to feel loved by your partner and do you respond better to words, to touch, to visual cues or gifts?.

2. What can you give your partner that someone/something can never give to them?

3. Is your partner secure in the knowledge that you love them?

4. How much adventure, variety and surprise do you give your partner?

5. How significant do they feel - that you approve of them and they feel the most important person in your life?

6. What ways do you give them love, acceptance and connection everyday?

7. How do you creatively develop and improve your relationship - how much growth do they feel in your partnership?

8. In what specific ways do you encourage them to find their purpose and contribute their gifts to the world?

9. What could you do for your partner every month, week, day, to show that you value and appreciate them tremendously?

10. What would tell you that you are meeting your partner's needs?

copyright 2007

As Kahil Gibran writes from The Prophet:

"Love one another, but make not a bond of love

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls

Fill each other's cup but drink not from the same cup

Give one another from your bread but eat not from the same loaf.....

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts

and stand together yet not too near together

for the pillars of the temple stand apart

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow."

"The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands.” Rob Cella

“Why do people persist in a dissatisfying relationship, unwilling either to work toward solutions or end it and move on? It's because they know changing will lead to the unknown, and most people believe that the unknown will be much more painful than what they're already experiencing.” ~ Anthony Robbins

New Year's Realisation

The New Year has dawned and with it a flurry of resolution activity which promises to bring about significant change in our lives. The winter months are traditionally a time for inward reflection, looking closely at our lives, our ambitions and dreams to discover what is working and what definitely isn’t. There is little research to show us how effective resolution making is as a change strategy but if experience is anything to go by, thousands of people have seen their good intentions topple into the sea of oblivion.

There is help at hand though, research outlined in a recent report conducted by the Uk Work Federation shows that the Self Esteem Industry is now worth £15 billion in the UK alone and is growing into one of Britain’s most important economic sectors. Whether men and women are seeking health advice from a host of experts from dieticians and nutritionists to fitness or yoga instructors, or choosing to enhance nature’s gifts with cosmetic surgery and image consultancy, or perhaps finding spiritual purpose with a guru, the sole aim of all this activity is to make us feel better about who we are.

Expert life coach and yoga teacher, esther de angelis reports that more people than ever are choosing to take greater response -ability for the quality of their lives, learning techniques to manage fear and stress and discovering new ways to achieve their ambitions and realise their gifts. She is particularly encouraged by the increasing numbers of men who are coming to her practise, willing to try coaching and participate in a process that every high achiever values. “The world of work has become increasingly risky and less secure as the pressure of competition grows globally and with it the shake up of our self esteem. Moreover companies are demanding higher performance levels from staff in efforts to improve innovation, flexibility and keep ahead of the game. Performance coaching and Mentoring are expanding in companies as corporations recognise that it is in their best interest to support and inspire their executives and staff to remain and grow with the company.” Could this be one of the reasons why men are beginning to put aside their concern of not seeming to be perfect and have all the answers? And could it be that the pressure to succeed in today’s world of complexity and risk is such that men at last are throwing their hands in the air and saying, I surrender, I need help. For example there is growing concern about the impact of work on the quality of life illustrated by the fact that 40% of managers admitted missing family commitments and 30% acknowledged having little energy on weekday evenings.

A case in point, as Esther goes onto give a typical example. “Andy came to see me because he recognised that his job as a science teacher was draining and the workload infringing on other important aspects of his life, especially his primary relationship. He was frustrated, de-energised and demotivated so the first task was to address his energy levels and get him to commit to a new healthier diet and nourishing and dynamic fitness regime. We then reviewed some of the key issues affecting his relationship and Andy committed to creating a new weekly routine of quality time in which to reconnect, nurture and explore his relationship. Through the process of attentive questioning we discovered what fuelled Andy’s passion and enthusiasm for work . Consequently he decided to give up his job and has begun building a portfolio career of teaching, lecturing and tutoring which already is proving to be more creative, flexible, challenging and rewarding. Clarifying his financial requirements andy set clear goals and at my request devised an action plan to help him keep on track. Just six sessions of Coaching empowered Andy to make lasting changes to his life, way beyond his original expectations. He developed greater levels of self awareness, self confidence and was able to identify and change limiting patterns of behaviour. He did things differently, began to take more risks and move beyond his comfort zone, equipped with a new set of tools for success.

Coaching is proving to be a highly effective way for more and more people to transform their lives, strengthening self belief and finding more creative ways to achieve their goals and ambitions.

copyright 2004

Karem Casey

0207 433 1619 : txt : 07765 907 514